well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
