It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize