apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
