Cold hands, warm shart.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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