Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
