apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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