I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
