ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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