just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
