One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
