I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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