3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
