I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
