I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize