Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
