words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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