he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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