I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
