You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
