Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
