There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
