Can i not drive my cunt home
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
