just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
