Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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