My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
