uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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