we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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