Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
