We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
