While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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