I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
