I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
