What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
