Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I am morally bankrupt
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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