come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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