I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
