The beers last night were like the tears from god
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
