so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
