even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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