i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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