he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
