Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
