i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
