It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
