I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
