Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize