She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
