Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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