you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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