Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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