when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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