she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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