Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
