Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
