The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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