This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
