I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't put those talents on a resume
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
