My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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