Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
