I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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