Soap is not a condiment
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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