you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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