I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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