At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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