My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize