I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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