My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
