she kept yelling 'call me bella'
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
