If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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