rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
