In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
